Goodbyes are one of the hardest things to do. Whether it is moving away from old friends, leaving for college, or having to say goodbye to a loved one. There are so many types of goodbyes too. There are the ones with promise of talking again, the ones where they seem to go on forever, the ones that leave you feeling sad, the ones that you know you are never going to hear again. But somehow you always know the meaning behind each goodbye, whether it is good, bad, sad, or happy.
But there is one other goodbye that I am neglecting to tell you about, the one that I know I have experienced more than once in my life. It is the goodbye that is meant to be polite, the fake goodbye.
This is the type of goodbye that might go something like this “I’ll see you later!” or “We should totally hang out!” or “I’ll call ya!” but you know it will never happen. Most of the time you give your reply knowing that you both are being polite and not expecting anything in return.
I don’t like these type of goodbyes. Sometimes they are useful… but other times they totally destroy me.
At my school I used to get SO many of these. I am not the most popular kid in the world. I am the quiet kid in the back of the class who is nice so you are nice to them. If you get to know me, you realize how much I see and understand and that I am not just the quiet kid in the back of the room. But I used to get these goodbyes all the time, and I would believe they were real. I would wait and hope and ask about all of the different things going on and hope someone would call me once in a while. I tried so hard to become part of a group… ANY group, but at a small Catholic school there is only so much you can do. Once you’re suck, you’re stuck.
Don’t get me wrong, I was included enough, but I knew I wasn’t invited to the things that were just for good friends. I was the nice girl who you invited so your conscience was clear, not the girl who you really wanted to come. I was used to these types of goodbyes, but I have been thinking about them lately.
I don’t like them. I don’t like them at all. I’m tired of being unnoticed and being the girl you say goodbye to, promising things you are not going to fill. If you aren’t going to call me, or hang out with me; don’t tell me you are because I am naive enough to believe it.
I can’t comprehend what goes through peoples minds when they say these things. I am so sorry to rant and rave, but I had to bring this up. I can’t put into words what I am feeling right now. If I can explain it better at a later time, I will. But I need some help with this. I am going to start high school next year and I want things to change (more on this later) but I have to know if I will always be the girl who gets the fake goodbyes, or if I can become the girl who gives the heartfelt ones and gets them in return?